by Jamesscotthenson | Jan 21, 2017 | Blog
Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t
feel harmed—and you haven’t been.
Marcus Aurelius
Going back to the idea that our thoughts literally come to
us from outside sources – God, gods, spirits, our ancestors, whatever. Not
saying this is true or untrue, but using it as a thought experiment.
Let’s say that some malevolent source has decided to
influence you and your life by putting thoughts in your head.
This is their plan to harm you. They are going to destroy
you from the inside. So they whisper to you relentlessly, narrating your life
and putting their spin on everything that happens around you.
They comment on your clothes, your hair, the way you walk,
the way you talk. They criticize your job, your car, how much money you have,
what your yard looks like. The voice tells you negative things about your
spouse and kids and just everything in your life.
I’m not saying this wouldn’t be debilitating to some degree,
and it would definitely be as annoying as anything could possibly be, but how
would it actually harm you unless you allowed it to? What effect would it have
if you simply refused to acknowledge these things having any truth to them?
What would these whispers and insinuations and criticisms actually have to do
with any of the things they are trying to make you unhappy about?
In general, we would not listen to a commentary on our life
if we thought it came from someone else, and the scenario mentioned above isn’t
that different from what it’s like to be oppressed by negative thoughts.
You can’t make your thoughts go away or stop happening, so
are they really “yours”?
Maybe the problem isn’t with having thoughts or thinking
about things, the ability to think is probably one of our more useful
attributes.
Maybe the problem lies in believing everything we think.
Maybe the problem is that because we think in the word “I”,
we believe our thoughts have some objective validity or authority in what they
say or that they communicate how we feel about something.
In reality, rather than telling us how we feel about things,
our thoughts shape how we feel about things.
This is why it is important to realize they don’t really
have any objective authority (thoughts are really the definition of subjective
perspective).
Thoughts are inherently harmless, but they can be the most
dangerous thing in the world if we allow them to be.
Which thoughts we choose to believe shape our reality and
tell us how we feel about our lives and the people in it.
You wouldn’t necessarily believe them if you thought they
were coming from an outside entity, why do you believe them because they are
inside your own head? What makes them True or accurate?
Ask yourself about the thoughts you have today, check into
them and refuse to take them at face value.
How are they affecting how you see things?
How would your life be different if you didn’t believe them?
by Jamesscotthenson | Jan 20, 2017 | Blog
“Pure awareness becomes colored by our thoughts, emotions
and expectations.”
Jack Kornfield
To some degree, we have this implicit understanding that we
are not our thoughts.
We say things about how thoughts come to us.
A lot of people cannot be alone with their thoughts.
Some people are horrified by the thoughts they have,
and worry that they might be suicidal or homicidal or both.
It’s odd how we can go from believing we are our thoughts or
that we are thinking them, to feeling harassed and tormented by them, and even
scared of them.
I was reading somewhere about how people in earlier times
believed that thoughts literally came from outside themselves, that they
were the voices of Gods and spirits and their ancestors. My strong agnosticism
on things prevents me from taking a side on this, but I can see a useful
thought experiment in this belief system.
If you did believe that your thoughts were generated by
outside entities, would you see these entities as benevolent or malicious?
Would they be seeking to harm you or help you? What sorts of things would they
desire for your life?
Part of our problem in life is that we never question the
motives of our thoughts, because we believe that they are us. Why would we
question our own motives?
If this is the case, if you are in control of your thoughts,
then stop thinking. Right now. Let your mind be blank.
Do not think of a basketball or the color red or that song
from Frozen.
Don’t think about high school or that thing you have to do
later that makes you anxious.
Don’t worry.
Don’t think about the ex that cheated on you or how your
current partner doesn’t live up to your expectations.
How did that go?
For something that is “us”, we sure don’t have a lot of
control over our thoughts.
Sure, sometimes we direct our thoughts, but for how long?
There is a big difference between thinking intentionally, and the random
wandering our mind seems to engage in 90% of the time.
Our thoughts are like a very sharp sword: very useful when
used intentionally and with skill, very dangerous to ourselves and others when
swung around mindlessly.
This will be “Thought Week” here at Dying Daily. We’ll move
on to look at the inherent powerlessness of them, the dangers of opinions and
expectations, and how mindfulness can help us deal with all of these things.
Try to make note of your thoughts today. See how often you
are truly thinking them versus how often they are just popping up randomly and
taking over the show. Observe how subtly they can steer intentional thinking
into stories and rants about ourselves, situations and other people.
Check their motives.
Are they good?
Useful?
Kind?
Are they there to help you?
Notice how you can let them come and go all on their own,
how you don’t have to engage them at all.
What happens when you do that?
by Jamesscotthenson | Jan 19, 2017 | Blog
“As he thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he
remains.”
― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
No matter how much time I spend working with people and on
myself in relation to them, I am continuously surprised at the power of
thoughts and just how much control they exert over the reality we live in.
Your thoughts are everything, they determine how your treat
yourself and others, how much or how little you enjoy the time you have on this
planet and what kind of world you live in.
What you think about matters.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is
noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
How much time do you put into working on your thoughts? Not
just being aware of them, but being intentional as to what they are? There are
opportunities to do this every second of every day.
A car cuts you off. Do you envision them swerving off the
road and dying in flames or do you wish them well, hoping they arrive safely to
wherever they are going?
Whether you believe that thoughts and prayers and positivity
have any outside effect is irrelevant; how you handle situations will determine
what state of mind you are in. Negative thoughts latch on quickly. Positive
thoughts take longer to develop roots.
Every opportunity matters.
“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so
a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical
path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and
over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
― Wilfred Arlan Peterson
What we think is who we are and who we will be. What we
think determines who we have in our life and how much we are able to grow. What
we think about ourselves decides if we have a low ceiling or an infinite sky
above us.
Your thoughts are not “you”, they pop in and out and only
stay if they are invited to.
What kinds of thoughts are you inviting to be long-term
houseguests?
What seeds are you planting for yourself?
What judgments about yourself arise when you look at the
thoughts you’ve been cultivating?
Those are just thoughts too.
by Jamesscotthenson | Jan 18, 2017 | Blog
The world is a cool place, I think I may try to make Sundays
a review of cool stuff from the week. Things I learned, quotes I liked,
documentaries, things to be grateful for, etc.
I’ll see if I like doing it.
“Don’t set your mind on things you don’t possess. Instead
count the blessings you actually possess and think how much you would desire
them if they weren’t already yours.” – Marcus Aurelius. I think the important
part here is thinking about how much you would desire what you already have if
you didn’t have it. A nice way of resetting the comparison machine in your
head. This quote will probably get its own blog eventually.
CNN’s series “The Eighties”. I used to pride myself on how
un-nostalgic I am, but I find this slipping as I get older. This series is
well-made, and is furthering my belief that we may have taken a wrong turn
civilization-wise. This is probably not true in a broad sense, and is more of
an indication that I am falling behind the curve a little bit, but I do miss
the days when we were less atomized as a society and culture, and where we
weren’t always connected to the internet. I say this with my phone and Kindle
sitting next me, and Netflix on the television as I write my blog. I’ll shut up
now.
I got to drive a 2017 Maxima while B’s van was getting the
bumper fixed. It was cool to drive so fast and to have a stereo for a minute,
but one day was all I wanted away from my truck. It was like driving a
turbo-powered go cart.
I’ve really been enjoying the Art of Manliness blog, there
is a ton of useful stuff there whether you are male or female or manly or not.
This is where I learned to work on my ax heads, but there are articles about
etiquette, smart living, all sorts of stuff.
The rule of three. Pick three things that will make your day
decent and accomplish them, pick three bigger ones for the week. Breaking
things down into these more manageable components has made all the difference
for me. For some reason I am much more likely to do things in threes than in
groups of 25.
I will make a point to keep better track of cool things
throughout the week in case this becomes a thing.
What are some cool things you learned/experienced this week?
What do you have planned for next week?
by Jamesscotthenson | Jan 17, 2017 | Blog
This one is a little muddled right now, we’ll see if it
clears up or not. It’s a conversation I’ve been having quite a bit lately, so
maybe it will.
I’ll just ramble about The Jungle Book if it doesn’t.
I am really fascinated with how there is all this stuff that
only exist in relation to humans and human culture and human society.
Things like ideologies and abstract concepts and a bunch of
other stuff, all only exist because humans have developed a way to share ideas.
At some point, we tend to forget these things are created and think they have
an inherent foundation or Truth to them.
I tend to be pretty utilitarian in my beliefs and ideas.
I struggle to understand the notion of arguing against or
sticking with something based on some sense of inherent rightness or wrongness.
I don’t have a problem with people doing otherwise, but I often have a hard
time seeing the usefulness of what they are fighting for or against. I tell
people that my litmus test for the reality of something is whether or not it
would keep a bear (or Shere Khan!) from eating me.
The notion of rights is one of these abstractions, and it is
one we have come to believe has some inherent Truth in it. We base this either
on a deity that bestowed them or by giving society some kind of cosmic power,
or by simply not examining the idea that they exist on their own. I see where
this belief causes people a lot of distress and suffering as they insist on
asserting their right to something – happiness or to be treated fairly or to
get their turn – rather than simply doing what needs to be done to improve the
situation.
Rights aren’t real in any concrete sense.
Think of it this way: students have the “right of way” on
Texas Tech’s campus, which they often exercise indiscriminately, walking out in
front of buses and cars. Can they do this? Yes. But the right of way loses to
the law of physics. Another example that comes to mind is when Murtaugh revokes
that guy’s diplomatic immunity with a bullet to the head.
That was awesome.
Maybe the thing here is that rights are dependent on other
people, so we are putting ourselves at their mercy when we assert them instead
of doing what we need to do to take care of ourselves or fix things.
I think we’d like to say to we are doing this because we are
sticking up for ourselves or defending what is right, but really we may just be
acting out of pride or letting our ego pop up and run the show.
Let’s be clear. I like the idea of rights, I think the idea
that people have some inherent protections and dignity is one of the better
things society has created and enforced. I’m not arguing against rights, but I
am questioning whether asserting them out of principle instead of making things
better for yourself is always wise, especially in close relationships with
others. I watch a lot of marriages fall apart as two people fight for their
rights instead of caring about the other person or fixing things.
One of the rights we assert most vehemently is fairness.
I also like the idea of fairness, but find that getting too
deep into it often ends up causing me trouble. It’s amazing how quickly the
mind can take the idea of fairness and turn everyone around me into freeloaders
who are taking advantage of me. I rarely arrive at the notion that I am
treating others unfairly very quickly, but my mind is very quick to jump to the
idea that I am being taken advantage of.
Maybe it’s not my turn to wash the dishes, and fairness
states that I shouldn’t have to. The problem is that this keeps me from doing
more because I love my family or condemns me to live in a nasty house if my
partner also digs their heels in.
Fairness dictates when it is my turn to go at a 4 way stop,
but if someone else is behaving unfairly asserting this right leaves me with a
wrecked vehicle.
In fairness, I am entitled to my opinion whenever and
however I want to, but how often is this going to turn out well?
I consistently find that much of my happiness comes from not
looking at the fairness of situations or asking what my rights are, but in
doing for others first. I find a lot of peace when I do not even consider what
I am entitled to, but take care of what needs to be taken care of.
Where are you letting getting what you deserve or asserting
your rights keep you from creating peace in your life?
Where are you allowing these things to cause tension and
discord between you and the people you love?
What does fairness actually mean?
Who gets to decide what is fair and what is not?
Feedback on this one might be helpful, either public or
private as always.
Thanks for reading.
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