Ghosts

Ghosts Can’t Hurt Us

This is not a post debating the reality of ghosts.

Ghosts are the perfect example of being afraid of being afraid. I don’t know why they are scary, but they freak us out. Unless we are talking about a poltergeist or something, ghosts can’t really do anything to us except make noises and rattle chains and stuff like that, but they scare us.

Much of what we struggle with in life is like this.

It all seems huge and overwhelming and unhandleable.

But, when we really stop and look at it, we could very much handle it. Sometimes it’s not even that scary. Like a ghost, it’s really just the idea of it that freaks us out. Once the situation is in front of us, it just becomes another part of life to deal to deal with. Once it is passed, it becomes just another story in our life.The worst part about it was the anticipation, the fear of fear. We suffer more worrying about it than we do with the actual situation. When it comes time to take concrete steps to deal with it, it’s simple.

Harmless Ghosts

I couldn’t handle losing my job.

Yes, you could. It would suck but you would find another one. It might even be an opportunity to find a better job.

I couldn’t handle my marriage ending.

Yes, you could. It would be miserable and painful, but you would work through it. It could even be an opportunity to grow and evolve.

I couldn’t handle failing.

Yes, you could. It would be humiliating and embarrassing, but you would survive. It might even force you to take an honest look at yourself and make some positive changes.

Just ghosts.

What are the ghosts in your life?

What do you fear because your mind tells you to fear it?

What would the concrete steps for working through it look like?

What can ghosts really do to you?

Belief in the Self(ishness)

The Self

Selfishness. This word just means that one is about the self. That one prioritizes things related the self. We have all these moral and social stories built up around it, but at its core, it is just that – self-ish.

A lot of my trouble just fell away when I began exploring the idea of a self, trying to discover where it was centered and what it wanted, because I could not find it. It was terrifying and liberating at the same time.

I guess those things often go together now that I think about it.

Suffering and the Self

What struck me was how much of my suffering was caused by me trying to protect this self that I suddenly couldn’t even find. I’d spent my life lying and deluding and self-medicating this oppressive ghost, and I suddenly recognized that it was never there.

It shifted my first instincts on a situation to explore how I might help other people or what might be best for everyone involved instead of trying to orchestrate everything to go my way. It shifted my thoughts to see situations as inherently neutral and allowed a friendly curiosity to grow.

It made everything so much easier.

The Tyranny of the Self

Let’s be clear though – I am not free of the self by any stretch of the imagination, When I get tired or sick or stop taking care of myself, it rises like a tyrant and starts to run the show. I start thinking about myself first, and everyone around me starts to seem like unhelpful, selfish jerks. This continues until I realize I’m just looking in the mirror and need to get myself together.

What does the idea of a stable self drive you to do?

What is the first thing you think of when situations change?

What would you change if you thought of others first?

What is keeping you from doing just that?

Discomfort

Avoiding Discomfort

It is crazy to me to look back and see how much of my life was spent trying to avoid discomfort and unhappiness. It is scary to see how much we do this as a society. I am not sure when we arrived here, but at some point, we decided that we have to fix anything unpleasant or inconvenient, even if it is healthy. We often try to do this the easiest way we can, through distraction and intoxication and denial.

Avoiding discomfort leads to short sighted choices and situations that are not dealt with as we try to kick the can down the street just one more time. Every time an uncomfortable situation arises we tell ourselves it is the last time we’ll deal with it unskillfully. We will definitely turn over a new leaf and do the hard work next time.

Discomfort as a Part of Life

Realizing that discomfort and unhappiness and difficulty are a part of life was revolutionary for me. They are not right or wrong, they are just emotions that we are programmed to dislike to promote change. It is our wanting them being different that causes us so much difficulty because we run from thing to thing trying to hold them at bay. We never learn to just sit with them.

I kept them at bay through drugs and alcohol, of course, but also through other more subtle tactics. I re-wrote situations in my mind to shift blame or used mental gymnastics to avoid responsibility altogether. I changed my motives for doing something retroactively to make the outcomes seem more in line with something I wanted. I lied and cheated and made up stories, all to avoid that icky feeling of something being uncomfortable.

And things stayed uncomfortable as a result because I was using all these different strategies to pretend there was no problem. You won’t put mousetraps out if you convince yourself the rodents are pets.

What are you doing to avoid dealing with something?

How do you avoid discomfort?

What would it be like to just deal with the source?

Responsibility

The Importance of Accepting Responsibility

One of the first things I notice about people when they show up at my office is how much responsibility they are willing to accept. Much like the locus of control, where we place responsibility is everything. It tells us a little more than our locus of control though. It often helps us see how we view other people and tells us how much insight we have. It is also one of the most important things in the process of change.

When I meet someone who firmly places even a majority of the blame on other people, especially if that person is their spouse, I immediately realize there is some heavy lifting to do before we can get to any sort of cosmetic change in their life.

Lack of Responsibility

For years and years, I placed all the blame for the things that were in my life on other people. They were all jerks and assholes and just didn’t get it, man. I was trying to do the right things, I was trying to do better, they were making it impossible for me. This applied to friends, family, bosses, coworkers, the police, everyone. I never – and I think I can honestly use never here – looked for my responsibility in situations because I honestly thought I didn’t have any. There was always an excuse. I always found the thing someone else could have done and used it to excuse myself.

I felt I was powerless in life because I was. By refusing to accept responsibility I was giving away any power I had the second it appeared.

Looking for Responsibility

I have yet to see a situation in which one person was completely at fault. I rarely even see an 80/20 split, and when I do it is because there is a significantly disordered person in the relationship. The most important thing I learned about responsibility is that looking for my responsibility in every situation keeps my focus where it should be, on the things I can control. It keeps me from wasting time trying to sort out who is responsible for what. I try to look at what I did, see what’s my fault (regardless what the other person did, my response is always my own) and correct it.

This has nothing to do with the other person apologizing or not. This has nothing to do with them at all.  If I stay firmly on my side of the street I don’t really have to worry about what other people do and I don’t have to worry about what I will do because it is intentional. I can be who I want to be regardless of how other people are acting.

Where could you be accepting more responsibility in life?

Where are you blaming someone else for your actions or your response?

What would it look like to own these things?

Locus of Control

Our Locus of Control

Our locus of control determines how much power we perceive ourselves as having. An external locus of control leads us to blames others and external circumstances for the things that happen to us. An internal locus of control brings us to believe we have power and influence over what is going on in our life.

I am a fan of an internal locus of control except where it is irrational. There are things that are well beyond our control. Not accepting this can lead to self-hatred or self-criticism on the one hand, or something akin to a God complex on the other. Neither is useful.

Changing the Locus of Control

Shifting to an internal locus of control was the second thing that allowed me to change my life. I remember looking at Tyler one day and thinking about how this poor kid got screwed in the dad lottery, when a new idea suddenly came to me.

What if I did something different?

Exploring this tiny little question led to other questions.

What if I made deliberate choices instead of going with whatever came my way?

What if I had a plan?

What if I chose how I treated people based on who I wanted to be instead of in response to how I perceive them as treating me?

What I created a path instead of choosing the one that looked easiest?

It was magical at first, and a whole new world opened up to me. There were a few hard lessons about the ego along the way, but these were valuable in and of themselves. It was an entirely new way of looking at the world.

Locus of Control and Our Response

At the core of all of it was the Truth that we always have control over our response to the things that are beyond our control. There is an unexplainable power and peace in this.

Do you do things, or do they happen to you?

Where are expressing helplessness when you have the power do something differently?

Are you truly locked into choices and situations, or would leaving them just be inconvenient?

Where is your locus of control?