We should work to repair every broken relationship in our lives, no matter what it takes.
Forgiveness means reconciliation, and you can’t say you’ve forgiven someone unless you get back to the same level of friendship and intimacy you had before.
Everyone deserves a place in your life, no matter what kind of toxicity they bring. This is what it means to be enlightened or compassionate or a good Christian.
Now that we have the bad advice out of the way, let’s talk about broken relationships, and why it might be best to leave them broken sometimes.
I really don’t understand why we can break up with romantic partners, but not friends.
Who we surround ourselves with is everything.
Friends have as much or more impact on who we are and how happy our lives are, yet we are supposed to keep them in our lives no matter who they are and how they treat us.
The simple fact is that there are people who are not good for us. There are people who take and do not give, who bring negativity and drama everywhere they go and who behave selfishly by default.
And, for some reason, when things inevitably go wrong with them, we work to fix the relationship, maybe even apologizing for things we have no business apologizing for. We really, if we are honest, don’t even want this relationship in our life, yet we find ourselves working to repair it.
Look, I get it.
People make mistakes, people make bad choices. Of course this doesn’t mean that we cut them out of our lives and walk away automatically.
I’m big on forgiveness and reconciliation and working things out, but I’m also big on making sure I have time for the people who matter most to me and who feed me and help me grow. Sometimes, in order to keep my focus where it belongs I have to let broken things lie. We all do.
How much time are you taking from the people who truly care about you and help you evolve by trying to fix things with people who care about themselves and drag you down?
Sometimes someone does something to us that changes the way we see them. Them apologizing and trying to make it right won’t necessarily change this new perception because it is there for a reason. When you learn something new about someone you have to reevaluate your relationship, the factors in the equation are different. This is basic math.
I think this applies to mistakes we make as well. You make a mistake or you treat someone poorly. You apologize and make amends as best you can, and change what needs to be changed. This doesn’t obligate them to forgive you or reconcile with you. If they don’t, it’s their business, and at that point you can walk away too.
Let it Lie.
Life is too short to spend it trying to fix something that may be better off broken.
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I write, podcast and make videos about living in freedom through mindfulness, intentionality, compassion, and equanimity.
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