by Jamesscotthenson | Aug 16, 2017 | Blog
Don’t Panic
I know the world has always been a scary place, but it seems
to go through phases where it is extra scary. Between nuclear war and civil war
and climate issues and shifting populations and the potential for genocidal AI
and totalitarianism looming on all sides, right now seems like one of those
scary times.
These things are all, of course, well beyond our control. No
single person can fix these them. Not even Elon Musk or Angelina Jolie.
Times like these can magnify the personal struggles and
tribulations we find ourselves in, making them feel worse than they already
are. They can make people seem a little more selfish, a little more sinister
and a little more unreliable. Times like these can make small problems look big
and big problems look insurmountable. It only takes a drop of water to make a
full glass overflow.
Fear Reactions
For some people, this has a paralyzing effect. Others seek
to escape. My own personal fear response is to run toward whatever I perceive
as the problem closest to me and fix it, and then move on to the next and the
next, fixing everything along the way.
To be clear, I’m not fixing anything.
My mind is just spinning out of control and making a mess in
the name of controlling something.
Controlling anything.
This, of course, only serves to highlight how little control
I have and causes more trouble, which leads to more anxiety, which my mind
immediately decides to fix.
Maybe it will work this time.
Control
We have control over one thing in this world, and that is
our response to the things we cannot control. Anytime I step outside of this
and start looking at controlling anything else things get worse and worse and I
make mistakes. I say and do things I shouldn’t. I watch as my ego get an
infusion of steroids and bath salts and begins running wild, demanding to be in
charge of everything.
It always turns out wonderfully.
Control is always an illusion and the idea that we have the
right answer is always false, even when the world seems to be falling apart.
Especially when the world seems to be falling apart.
Relax.
Breathe.
Choose your response.
Move on.
by Jamesscotthenson | Aug 15, 2017 | Blog
Constraining the Ego
We bank heavily on self-restraint in our lives,
especially as adults. We are often oddly resistant to the idea of
constraint as an alternative to restraint, even if self-restraint has failed us
over and over. I think it has something to do with ego.
I am a mature, responsible adult. I make my choices. I
should be able to handle this.
There is something simple and clean about constraint. There
is also something necessary about it when we are trying to make a big change in
our life. Part of the reason we resist it may be that it is effective, and we
don’t want to change our habits.
I don’t like the idea of constraint. My ego tells me that I
can power through things, that I need to overcome temptation and be strong.
There’s something in there that tells me I need to defeat temptation. This
doesn’t always work.
It rarely actually happens.
Removing Temptation
When I did the Whole 30 a while back, I almost didn’t follow
through with getting rid of all the non-compliant food in my house. I told
myself that I could make good choices and avoid the things I shouldn’t eat. I
believed it too, but I went ahead and did what the program required and gave
away four totes worth of food.
It’s a good thing I did too. You see, I had all the
willpower and resilience in the world before I started the program, when I was
unhappy with how I looked and felt and was all full of carbs and sugar. One day
in though, things shifted, and my body started craving what it was used to, and
I cannot count how many times I would have run to the kitchen and eaten a bunch
of garbage and quit the program altogether. Not having it around makes all the
difference.
Not having that immediate option made all the difference.
Plan Ahead
We have moments of motivation, and we have moments of
weakness. We get sick, and we get tired, and we come home from work annoyed and
fragile. We burn through all of our willpower throughout the day and don’t have
much left for times of stress. These are the times where prior constraint is
helpful.
There are times when we do not need to have a choice in
front of us, but we have to set that up ahead of time.
Where do you need to constrain yourself?
What does your ego tell you about this?
Is the ego a reliable indicator of our capabilities?
by Jamesscotthenson | Aug 14, 2017 | Blog
Trying Instead of Doing
We like to say we are trying to do something when we are not
making progress on something like we should.
I’m trying to watch less TV.
I’m trying to eat better.
I’m trying to meditate every day.
I’m trying to work out more.
I’m trying.
I’m trying.
I’m trying.
Trying to Try
I even hear people say they are trying to try harder, which
I am not sure means anything at all.
I get it, there are things we can try to do and fail. I can
try to eat that giant steak up in Amarillo or dead lift 500 pounds or stop a
speeding train with one hand like the old Superman cartoons. I can try, but I
will throw up and my arms will fall off and I will die.
But, when I say I am trying to eat better or watch less TV
or workout more often, I am talking about things that I have clear control over.
These are not tries, these are things that I either do or do not do.
Choices
I choose to eat chocolate chips and popcorn for dinner
instead of my chicken and salad. I choose to watch 13 Assassins for the 12th
time instead of going into the garage and working out. These are not things I
tried. If I had really tried, I would have done them.
Yes, sometimes things will come up that make the choice much
more difficult. I injure myself or I am exhausted or I forget to go to the
store and only have junk in the house. These make my choices harder, but they
do not negate them, and were possibly the result of other poor choices. But
let’s say they are not, that these things were entirely beyond my control and
the injury is completely debilitating – this is a rare set of circumstances and
will not happen often enough to negate the idea that we often say we are trying
so as to excuse ourselves for not doing.
What things are you trying to do that you should just be
doing?
How much time and energy is being wasted on the fake trying?
What would it look like to just do them?
by Jamesscotthenson | Aug 13, 2017 | Blog
Future Plans
Man, we are creeping up to the one year mark. I am a little
conflicted as to what to do once my one-year commitment is up. I have a few
options I am considering.
1) Keep writing daily, producing new
content.
2) Edit and re-work old posts, improving
them and posting one each day.
3) Cut back on blogging and commit to
putting out one podcast per week.
4) Something different I have not
considered.
Message me and let me know what you think. Or leave a
comment. Or text me. Whatever works for you. Whatever the outcome, I plan on
creating something everything day no matter what because it has changed my life
for the better, we just need to figure out what that looks like.
For real, tell me what it should look like.
Putting Yourself Out There
I am hoping to do some cool stuff over the next few months.
A friend encouraged me to look at some new avenues last week, so I am working
to set up a Patreon and do some things on video. I struggle with the idea of
doing video. It was difficult for me to even publish a single blog post, much
less a daily one. The difficulty I had in producing a single podcast episode
was the topic of that first podcast episode, and I still dislike putting my
voice out there. Making a video or doing FB live is a whole different animal,
but enough people have asked that I can see which way this is all going whether
I like it or not. Let go or be dragged I suppose.
I finished Ozark on Netflix. I enjoy person-centered (is
that the same as character driven?) shows. It isn’t for everybody, but I
thought it was pretty good. I like the Langmores if you happen to watch it.
Once again, it is not for everybody.
I want to thank everyone who reads this. I enjoy writing it
because of the people who read it. I appreciate the feedback and the comments
and the messages and conversations I get to have because of it. All of that
only happens because you take the time to read it, and I am grateful.
Enjoy your day.
by Jamesscotthenson | Aug 12, 2017 | Blog
Other People
Other people are one of the more popular and consistent
topics on this blog and the subject of much of the conversation I have with
other people. Not in a gossipy way, but in a how-do-I-deal-with-this kind of
way.
It makes sense. Other people are what make life worth
living, and what makes life so very frustrating much of the time. We
cannot control them, but their decisions affect us. It happens on a small scale
where someone decides to skip their shift, so you get called in or send their
kid to daycare with strep throat, so everyone else gets it. It goes all the way
up to the global scale where the actions of one or two people cost millions of
people their lives. The story of history is often that of one man (it’s usually
men) making decisions that ruin everything for everybody.
I am currently dealing with a situation in which another
person’s unwise choices are making things difficult for me. I feel angry and
betrayed, and I am experiencing a deep frustration over the amount of time and
energy it is going to require to sort this other person’s foolishness out.
These emotions are present. This is a fact. It is not good or bad or right or
wrong. They are simply there. My mind is trying to sort out what to do in
response to something it had no hand in and no control over.
Scorched Earth
I have this inherent desire to enact a scorched earth policy
and be done with it. It seems simple and satisfying, and I have used it many
times in the past. It was effective if my goal was to be left alone with
nothing but ash around me.
That was often my goal.
These days, I understand that I need to sit with these
emotions, without believing them to be a reliable indicator of what the best
course of action is. I acknowledge that I am remaining in this situation by
choice and any unhappiness or pain it is causing me is a result of my
perspective on things and my attachment to outcomes I cannot control: another
person’s actions. I have to be honest and admit that I am taking something
personally, which is an act of ego and pride.
What to do
In short, my task in this is to accept what is and look for
constructive choices. My task is to act in a way that offers compassion and
peace and reconciliation instead of launching the nukes. It is my job to write
a blog like this to remind myself of the skillful course of action because my
mind wants to forget it every few seconds.
We will almost certainly always have other people in our
lives, and we would be devastated and desolate if we did not. They will
inevitably bring pain and difficulty with them, but they are worth it.
At least I hope so…
Have a great day.
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