Lucha Libre, Subjective Experience and Cops

by | Mar 15, 2017 | Blog

Sunday Pop-Up wins.

Waking up and writing whatever pops into my head on these days seems like a good balance between easing off a little bit and still doing something worthwhile everyday.

I am writing this from the breakfast area of a hotel Fort Worth.

B wrestled at a Lucha Libre show last night, which was a lot of fun. I didn’t understand any of the dialogue, but the matches were all awesome, and everyone had a great time. I wonder about a lot of the hype around race sometimes. I know it is a great problem in some places, and I know very well that truly and profoundly racist people exist, but in my day-to-day and in the lives of many people from minority groups I get to speak with, it feels like the media often makes it seem as though we are all at war when we are not. I often wonder if there might be some kind of benefit for the people at the top to keep the rest of us divided along whatever lines they can.

Conspiracy stuff.

Someone did shout “The gringo again?!” when I won the raffle twice in a row though.

Less fun stuff: I had to get a steroid cocktail shot yesterday due to fever and coughing and sore throat and generally dying. We are headed from here to see my grandma, so that made me getting checked out really important.

Anyway, the shot makes me all kind of jittery and nervous, and I get pulled over for maybe the 2nd time in 18 years.

The speed limit dropped from 75 to 70 and I didn’t notice.

A few things from this:

I’ve been reading how habits are never beaten, only overwritten, and my habits for dealing with the police went haywire. I work with a lot of cops these days, and my perception and opinion on them has changed drastically. I see them as people now, and I generally like them as much I do anyone else, but this old shit is woven in deep. I got paranoid, didn’t know where to put my hands and was very conscious of a fear of getting jerked out of the car (a minivan, driven by a 38-year-old who doesn’t even drink or use drugs socially on his way to see his grandma with his wife and toddler) and a strong desire to argue and be combative with him. So much cognitive dissonance.

Weird ideas about what he might do. Should I take my sunglasses off? What if he cites me driving without them? Searches the car and plants something? What if I screwed up on my LTC application and I am carrying illegally? Could I possibly still have warrants out in this part of Texas? Illogical, distorted and even delusion thinking, but it is wired in there.

An immediate urge to justify myself by comparing to others. There were drivers passing me, I was in the slow lane, what about the motorcycle rider passing people on the shoulder?! I didn’t even see the sign! All irrelevant: I was speeding, it was my fault. I am at least happy I left it with that with the cop. I owned it and didn’t complain. Out loud at least.

I am deeply unhappy with myself for getting a ticket. Something inside of me to make a global assessment of myself based on it and beat myself up. It’s less about the money than screwing up, but it is eating me alive.

Lastly, remembering the humiliation of dealing with someone who can change your life in an instant if they choose, and the responses this brings up in me. It makes me angry and embarrassed and fearful (this is what the anger is really about) all at once. I know none of this is logical, but it is there, and it is a good chance to simply sit with things that are unpleasant. Let them come, let them go.

I am super fortunate to still get Spring Break at the age of 38. I am fortunate to have a wife who wrestles and a kid who enjoys it and another kid who is on his way to Florida with my parents to go to Disney World. I am listening to a great reading of Anna Karenina, The Undefeated Mind, and China: A History. All are excellent!

This next week will look at mindfulness and opinions, and we should get into habits. That one just turned out to be a little more involved than I expected.

Thanks for reading.

Don’t Rush

by | Mar 14, 2017 | Blog

Busyness and chaos and stress and rushing.

These things pretty much define our modern world.

In fact they sort of define us.

Oftentimes, if we are not experiencing these things we feel useless or like we should be doing more.

Other people will say stupid shit like “Must be nice!”.

Here’s the real story though: being too busy, existing in chaos, being stressed and rushing around are not signs that you are high functioning or some kind of baller.

Oftentimes, they are signs of poor planning, bad habits, or, like we talked about yesterday, not knowing when to say no.

But what about the times that really aren’t our fault?

The electricity goes out so an alarm doesn’t go off.

A plane is delayed or cancelled.

An influx of new clients overlaps with people you are still finishing up.

When things are unavoidably busy, the question becomes one of our response to them.

Why do we have to rush and run around frantically?

Why do have to kick at the dog and swear a lot?

Why slam cabinet doors and squeal our tires and let everyone know we are just so busy right now?

Nothing has really changed, we just feel out of control.

We can always choose internal calm, and we don’t have to accelerate our actions and our thoughts.

Be calm today, no matter what is happening.

It is more useful anyway.

Just Say No

by | Mar 13, 2017 | Blog

When I was a kid the whole “Just Say No” thing was really big.

This slogan and D.A.R.E.  created a solid 20 years of thoroughly deceptive and ineffective anti-drug education.

There may be something to it though.

By not saying no, we all make things harder on ourselves than we need to.

Someone asks us if we would like to do something.

We really don’t want to.

Not even a tiny little bit.

So we say…maybe.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Are we trying to buy ourselves time?

Are we trying to minimize the hurt caused by giving them a straight up no answer?

Are we just cowards?

It’s a weird thing. We know we have no desire or intention of doing this thing, yet we are afraid to state this.

This causes all sorts of issues.

We end up using the very limited amount of time we have on things we hate, or we go through this sad process of scheduling-cancelling-rescheduling-cancelling until the whole thing just kind of goes away.

The funniest part is that in trying to spare someone else’s feelings, we make it harder on them and probably hurt their feelings even more by allowing the thing to die a slow death instead of never letting it be alive in the first place.

What is wrong with simply saying no?

Are we obligated or required to spend our time on things we aren’t excited about, or even interested in?

Look, I get that there are some things that we will end up doing that we don’t really want to because it’s what we do. I do not see myself ever being excited about kids sporting events, but I will go.

Don’t judge me, the kids aren’t even good at it. They can barely walk right, why do I want to watch them try to play soccer or basketball? I don’t even like baseball when grown men on steroids hit the ball into neighboring states, why would I want to watch kids bump it off a tee before waddling to first base?

I’m just kidding.

Kids sports are every bit as awesome as doing something I actually like.

Apart from the things I do for my family and the people I love, I do try to say no to the things that do not interest or excite me.

And me saying no tells you nothing about the person inviting me or the activities themselves, only that they are not a priority for me.

There is more of everything in this world except for time.

Just say no.  

Jupiter and Your Body

by | Mar 12, 2017 | Blog

The title makes this sound like this is going to be all hippy astrology type stuff.

And maybe it is.

I really liked Jupiter when I was a kid, probably just because it has the same first letter as my name.

Kids are easily impressed.

This very unimpressive shared attribute led me to read more about it, and I learned that Jupiter protects us from a lot of space debris and Armageddon-like situations, taking the brunt of attacks from asteroids and comets and teapots and whatever else, as well as using it’s gravity to keep all the other space trash from ramming into us.

It’s also where girls go to get more stupider.

I am so fortunate to do the kind of work I do, I don’t think there are many jobs where someone is regularly surprised/inspired/educated by the people they work with.

I was speaking with someone recently who has gone through multiple surgeries and procedures since they were a baby, and I was struck by just how resilient and adaptable the human body is, and how much it performs a similar function for us as Jupiter does for the planet.

Our bodies are pretty amazing, yet we are prone to criticize and berate them for the smallest imperfections and focus on the things that don’t work right.

Think about everything our bodies do for us.

For the purpose of simplicity, set aside the idea of what constitutes “us” for a moment. We can get back to that tomorrow.

Our bodies protect us from the elements, from rain and sun and snow and projectile dirt, if you live near me.

They help us get around, they carry things and they endure pain and injuries. They survive car wrecks and fistfights and falls and drunken binges and running into low hanging shelves. They get sick with the flu and strep throat and cancer and they try to heal and get better and keep us in this game of being alive for as long as they can. 

On top of all that, they give us a place to house this weird thing called consciousness in the first place. I can’t say whether or not having a body is always necessary to having consciousness, but I can say it is as far as my very limited experience goes.

See if you can be grateful for your body today, no matter what it looks or feels like.

Don’t focus on how it should be skinnier or have bigger muscles or a better face or hair that isn’t thinning out. Don’t think about it hurting or being tired or sick.

Thank it for all it has been through for you, and for all the little things it does for you every day.

Notice all the things it is doing right, and how well it performs it’s most basic function: keeping you here.

No matter what else is going on, that is something.

Helplessness

by | Mar 11, 2017 | Blog

I have these times where I feel overwhelmed by the suffering around me and in the world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, suffering is caused by our wishing things were different. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. We are distressed not by events, but by our reaction to them.

I am comfortable applying these things to myself regardless of what is happening, and encouraging others to apply them to the things in their life, but then there are things I cannot bring myself to say are simply neutral.

A child starving to death with a vulture watching (and a photographer, who later committed suicide if I am not mistaken).

People watching their friends and families murdered in wars and genocides.

People in places and countries and social structures who never even have a chance; it’s almost like their lives are on a rail headed toward tragedy.

Kids watching their family and security disintegrate, helpless to do anything about it.

And that’s the word right there: helpless.

We are all so helpless in the face of the overwhelming suffering in this world. I am not sure anyone could fix it, even the people with more money than God like Bill Gates or Elon Musk.

I am not sure what to do about it.

I help where I can, the people around me and anyone who ventures close enough for me to be useful.

A nonexistent amount in the big scheme.

Negligible even in the smallest of small schemes.

I don’t know what to do with it, but I do try to make sure I remember that what I feel in reaction to other people’s suffering is not equal to their actual suffering. This is where empathy is problematic: if we aren’t careful we end up making it about us, and this isn’t helpful to anyone. 

How you feel while talking to a child who lost their parents is not anywhere on the level of being the child who lost their parents, not matter how acutely you imagine what it might be like.

If we can keep this in check we can be with people in their suffering. We can accept the things we cannot change, and be ready to help make changes where we can.

I may be missing something, but this is all I see us being able to do for a great number of the terrible things that happen in this still-wonderful world.