We Are Nature

by | Nov 20, 2016 | Blog

I believe one of the biggest sources of unhappiness and struggle for us as humans is the notion that we are above or apart from nature.

This is because of many factors, but I think that religion, the ego and technology are the primary culprits, though I am sure there are many more.

Because of our Playstations and iPhones and shoes and cars and air conditioning and pizza delivery it is very easy for us to forget we are biological creatures, with actual biological needs.

We forget that a vast amount of human history was spent in much different conditions than what we live in now. Our technological and cultural evolution is outstripping our biological evolution (I for real don’t care how you want to define evolution here, we can just say that the world is moving way too fast if that is easier) and an epidemic of depression, anxiety, and alienation is the result.

We don’t have tribal or kin groups anymore.

For most of us, we spend our evenings in small boxes with our immediate families, if we are fortunate enough to have that. Many of us live alone, or with people we don’t really know.

The work we do has very little to do with actually sustaining our lives, it is rare to have a direct correlation between the hours you trade and what you receive in return.

Even in my job, where every hour that I sit with someone brings X amount of dollars to my bank account, this is not a direct exchange for the things that keep me and my family alive. It is an exchange in which I receive a credit I can trade in for those things. I am always at least one step away from how my work feeds me and my people.

We spend very little or no time outside unless you count walking to your car.

We rarely see the stars. We are almost never in danger. Our food is waiting for us in the supermarket or the drive-thru, and if we work our bodies at all, it is often in a building specifically designed for working our bodies.

So much of our history as a species was spent doing specific things, and many of them are no longer necessary to keep us alive. We forget that we still have needs that only nature can meet, because we are nature.

As far as this goes, I don’t think it really matters if you believe we were designed or evolved or some combination of the two.

Can you really tell me we evolved or were designed to sit in front of a computer screen all day or to sit in a car for hours at a time? To eat microwave meals and Starburst and drink Kool-Aid? To spend 90% of our time indoors?

The healthiest (all-around healthy, not just physically) people I know push back against this creeping anti-nature I’ve been talking about here. They ride bikes outside and pay attention to what they eat. They work on projects because they want to and remember that their jobs are there to provide a means to live, not as the reason they live. They still go out and do things and really love their partners and haven’t given up yet.

How many things in your day-to-day life can you say are natural and healthy?

How many could be shifted to something better?

Struggle is Chosen

by | Nov 19, 2016 | Blog

So, from yesterday you know I’m not perfect, and I pretty much suck in general.

Let’s look at why I believe we choose to struggle.

Struggle is, by its very nature, born of refusing to accept what is. We cannot be in a place of embracing life and struggling, they are mutually exclusive.

Taking the things from yesterday’s blog as examples:

I only become angry when I am thinking things and people need to be different. It’s not about what people are or are not doing, it is about me thinking they should be different.

“Don’t look at your cell phone every time you stop your car, you are not that important and you make me miss the green light.”

“Don’t just throw your trash over the fence and hope you hit the dumpster. You aren’t very coordinated and I end up picking it up.”

These things are annoying and not necessarily skillful, but being bothered by them is my choice. I choose to struggle with them.

I only struggle with video games and binging on Netflix when I let the idea gain traction in my mind. When I keep them where they belong, in moderation, there is no struggle. I choose to struggle when I entertain the idea of doing something I know I shouldn’t.

I struggle with being in debt when I let myself lose perspective and start moving into self-criticism for things I have no control over. I struggle when I try to take what I know now and apply it retroactively to myself years ago. I struggle when I wish this was different.

I struggle when I idealize things like the past and what it was like.

I struggle when I fall into the mindset that things used to be better or almost perfect, or that living somewhere else would be better or almost perfect.

I struggle when I forget that people are people and there is no perfect community out there. This is chosen.

I struggle when I don’t stay present with what I am doing, and wish I wasn’t in the car or mowing the lawn or that I had a housekeeper. I struggle when I let comparisons sneak in and start telling me I “should” be doing something else.

This is all what I mean by struggle being chosen. We struggle when we entertain ideas that have no profit for us, or that make bad choices a possibility. We struggle when we start debating, no matter how subtly, doing something we know is not helpful to us or good for us. We struggle when we start resisting things we have no control over.

This doesn’t apply to things we cannot control. When those are the issue at hand, there doesn’t need to be a struggle. Just do what you know you need to do and move on.

Don’t choose struggle. That’s part of my struggle these days.

Relentless Positivity

by | Nov 18, 2016 | Blog

“Do you struggle with things?”

I try to be honest about the things I struggle with, but maybe it gets washed away in my “relentless positivity”.

Still my favorite description so far.

The thing is, this blog is like a highlight reel or a Facebook profile. It is intentional and I cherry pick the things I talk about. Barbara and Tyler could both tell you I struggle with a lot of stuff and that my relentless positivity only goes so far. I am working really hard so that Max doesn’t see this as much someday.

So, struggle.

I struggle with anger.

This has been a longterm thing. I have days where I want to smash things and hit people in the face with a baseball bat. If I am not careful, I can settle into a deep mistrust and hopelessness when it comes to other humans.

I struggle with wanting to just sit and play video games or watch Netflix.

In general, I don’t even turn these on because they sap my desire to do anything else and rob me of my will. I have all sorts of plans, but then hours later I am watching my 10th episode of Parks and Rec or killing my 400th person on GTA.

I struggle with the lack of community I feel, especially in Lubbock.

I grew up in a small town in the mountains, and I have memories of there always being people around, of knowing a bunch of adults and being at different events and gatherings with them. I have a hard time with the primary places of community here, and feel alienated by all of them.

I struggle with being in debt, and have moments of despair as it all seems overwhelming.

I regret listening to doctors sometimes, and I wish I’d put more research into student loans and how they work when I was younger, but that wasn’t who I was at the time.

I really struggle with many things about modern life, and it seems like it’s all accelerating and changing faster every year.

And, in fact, it is. Technology builds on itself, and grows exponentially. I miss a world without cell phones and the internet and where we got to go to the video store to rent movies and there wasn’t so much convenience.

I struggle with living in the desert, where there is very little nature and no mountains.

I get this picture in my head of what it would be like to live somewhere else, and this idealized image makes everything seem better. Because, suddenly I don’t have to work or pay bills and all the days to day tasks are magically taken care of. That’s idealizing for you.

I struggle with how hectic our days are, and with the fact that no matter how much I try to simplify I can’t find places to make cuts.

Work is necessary, as is taking Max to daycare and shopping for food and cooking food and cleaning up after making food and doing laundry and vacuuming the floor and mowing the lawn and returning the modem to AT&T (part of simplifying though) and all of that stuff.

So, no matter how I (unintentionally) present myself in this blog, I do struggle and have days where I am frustrated and overwhelmed. I am not perfect, or even competent many days.

I believe in being positive, but it takes an intentional effort much of the time.

Tomorrow we’ll look at why I believe all this struggle is chosen and not imposed on me though.

I’m Not Comfortable with Honest Human Interaction, So Here’s a Joke Instead.

by | Nov 17, 2016 | Blog

Why did the one-armed monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

That’s my favorite joke.

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve had a lot of jobs.

I think this teaches you to adapt to different situations and work with a lot of different people. It teaches you to navigate different political environments, and how to deal with people who don’t like you. I like to think I’ve learned how to deal with people whose ambition or ego drives them to run people over if they can’t use them for their own ends.

My current way of dealing with all of this is to work for myself, by myself. This is the way to go. I trust me. Sometimes I even like me.

But, while I don’t really mind all the shady people I encounter, I do struggle with those super nice and open people we all know, and I don’t do well in situations that call for emotional vulnerability.

I am pretty okay with being in a room with someone who dislikes me, but I can go to ridiculous lengths to avoid a heartfelt conversation.

It’s not a huge deal though, because I’ve found the antidote to these nice people who dare to try and share a moment with me.

Humor.

It’s perfect.

It makes the person laugh, it gives you an easy escape, and it leaves you room to act you didn’t even realize what was going on, so you’re not a jerk.

“I’ve really enjoyed working with you.”

“You must not have worked with very many people!”

“I’m going to miss seeing you every day.”

“Nah, once I’m gone you’ll realize it’s much easier without me. I kind of suck.”

Things like that.

I suppose this is okay in situations where real connection is not required, but it can be problematic when people need something real from you.

I am not super great at offering that realness, but I do try. I think I am getting better.

Okay, I am good at offering realness.

I am not good at emotional vulnerability. That’s where humor comes in.

You see, humor is great because it keeps people at arm’s length, but in a nice way.

Like they don’t even realize you are doing it. I have layers and layers of these defenses that I have honed over the years. I am kind of proud of them.

But (there’s always a but on the things that make life easier), they can make it hard on the people who love me.

So I am working to dismantle all my work, and meet these situations honestly and with genuineness, even when it makes me a little uncomfortable.

“I am going to miss working with you.”

“That will pass, I’m easy to forget.”

Just kidding.

“I am going to miss working with you.”

“I am going to miss it too; you’ve been a really good friend.”

Yuck, right? And I’m not even using really mushy examples.

I need to move into the woods and live with wolves.

Except that these are the real moments in life, and people are what matter. These are things that connect us to other people and make it all worthwhile.

Mindful Monday-You Are What You Eat. I’m Ramen.

by | Nov 16, 2016 | Blog

This one is written more for me than anyone else. I eat like a 6 year old.

Peanut butter and jelly, corn dogs, nachos, fish sticks, chicken strips.

I’m not even kidding.

It is really odd how much of the food we eat isn’t actually food.

I had this realization when I was eating my 19th piece of fruit leather one day (which is healthy because it has the word fruit in it). I was reading the label and was shocked to see that there weren’t any words that I recognized. Not a single one. It was all chemicals and preservatives and possibly actual leather. I’m not sure.

So, Mindful Monday.

Take the time to cook yourself a meal today (or sometime this week if today just isn’t possible). Don’t have any music or the television on, just let yourself cook. Notice what is in the food you are making, think about where it came from. Be thankful for all the hands and feet that made it possible for you to even have it in your house.

Notice what it smells like while it cooks, watch the water boil, be mindful while you chop things up.

Whatever you decide to cook, just cook.

Allow yourself to be grateful to have food at all, and for the nourishment it will provide.

When you eat, just eat.

No television, no music. Sit outside if you can. Notice what your food tastes like. Be aware of the texture.

Take Gandhi’s advice: Drink your food and chew your water. Chew your food thoroughly, until it is almost liquid, hold the water in your mouth until it is warm. Let your meal be a meal and nothing else. Of course, share it with someone if you can.

Enjoy the day.