by Jamesscotthenson | Dec 6, 2016 | Blog
“You should write some more about your past. We like
laughing at you.”
I like laughing at me too, but I also find myself very
judgmental of past James a lot of the time.
The thing is that I wasn’t the cool kind of loser who people
are pulling for. I wasn’t an anti-hero who was rebelling against unfair
treatment or the disadvantaged kid fighting against unfair odds. I didn’t sleep
under the stairs awaiting my true calling or lose my uncle to a robber I let go
because I was being arrogant. My home planet didn’t even blow up.
I was an annoying adolescent and teen.
I was a kid who needed people to think his life was
difficult and tried to paint it that way. I was a kid who rebelled mostly
because it got him attention and who desperately needed people to think he was
unique, and never in good ways. I wanted to be tough even though I wasn’t. I
was a brat with a lot of advantages that managed to snatch defeat from the jaws
victory.
Here’s the thing though, all of these things were
indications of there being something wrong in and of themselves.
Not something cool that earns you a leather jacket (if this
was the 50s) or a Tumblr with a bunch of followers, but something that
manifests in ways that leave you cringing at your behavior 20+ years later.
I try to remember this when I meet someone who reminds me of
me (these are always the hardest people to deal with, they trigger stuff in us
we have to be very mindful about). I feel an instinctive urge to smack them, to
shock them out of this behavior that isn’t getting them what they want at all.
I have to remember that someone who creates problems and issues or tells lies
about their life or is trying to create an identity that does not fit their
story is doing this for a reason.
It all comes back to my central belief about people:
everyone, literally everyone, is doing the best they can with what they have.
None of us are capable of doing anything without a reason,
and that reason makes sense to us. It may be misguided or stupid or selfish to
the point of being evil, but it makes sense to them.
This does not mean every action is equal, or that every
action is skillful and healthy.
Part of my job is helping people find a way to make these
decisions in a better way. In a lot of ways, I often find myself trying to
offer others what I wish someone could have offered me, without judgment. This
allows me to see behind their actions and their stated intentions to see if
there is a better way to do things.
I am constantly surprised by the things people go through
that no one knows about, by how many things people keep to themselves that
manage to express themselves in other ways.
I try to remember this when I meet people who rub me the
wrong way or are annoying or just straight up weird. Everyone has a reason for
why they are the way they are.
I would probably want to punch myself in the face though.
by Jamesscotthenson | Dec 5, 2016 | Blog
Okay, the blog this morning went off in 4 different
directions. It was supposed to be light and funny and self-deprecating but
turned all honest and real, and I need a minute to get it right.
So, here are some questions to ask yourself that might help
you sit with difficult situations instead.
I’ll sort out the other blog tomorrow.
Or whenever I feel like it.
Questions.
What am I resisting here?
What comparisons am I making?
What are the thoughts associated with this feeling?
What would it look like if I embraced this exactly as it is,
instead of wishing it was different?
Most things are neutral, it is our reaction to them that
causes us to suffer. Some things are harder to accept than others, but this
changes nothing in any real way. We are still responsible for what we do with
them.
I am going to take my cat to the vet, and then find a
project to work on outside.
In closing, a great quote someone brought to my attention
recently:
Resistance to the disturbance is the disturbance.
Vernon Howard.
Take care.
by Jamesscotthenson | Dec 4, 2016 | Blog
Max was up all night crying about his foot (the fact that it
sounds like “butt” when he says it becomes less and less funny the later it
gets) and is now parked next to me watching Zootopia.
Again.
I still don’t like Zootopia.
Anyway, this isn’t about bashing a kids’ movie, but five
sets of five cool things. Maybe I will do this from time to time as a way of
covering up the fact that I am exhausted and want to die.
Movies
Amelie
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Bronson
13 Assassins
Spirited Away
Books
The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann
The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
The Imperial Radche series by Anne Leckie
Scary Short Stories
The Dreams in the Witch House by HP Lovecraft
Great God Pan by Arthur Machen
The Willows by Algernon Blackwood
The Wendigo by Algernon Blackwood
The Haunted Valley by Ambrose Bierce
Documentaries
Paris is Burning
Rich Hill
Happy People: A Year in the Taiga
The Other F Word
Welcome to Leith
Simple Ways to Make Your Life Better
Turn off all notifications on your phone except for phone
calls. Nothing shows up on the lock screen except calls.
Only check things on your phone in predetermined,
intentional batches
Put your phone away in the evening (I always fail on this
one)
Go outside every day, no matter what the weather is like
Build something
So there, an impromptu list of lists. Max, by the way, is
now fine, jumping around and laughing. He’s only sick when it’s time to sleep.
Recommend your own 5 things for these lists, I like finding
new things.
by Jamesscotthenson | Dec 3, 2016 | Blog
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you
do and say and think.”
Marcus Aurelius
We’ve talked about this before, but the morbidity of the
name of my blog has come up a couple of times this week, so I thought another
blog might not hurt. It is probably worth addressing every so often.
People are most likely bringing it up because I have
mentioned that I am considering changing the name of my business to Dying Daily
Counseling and Meditation. I love Amor Fati, but naming your business something
that is hard to say and difficult to explain without having to discuss
Nietzsche and Stoicism first doesn’t seem to be the best idea. I need a
marketing department.
So, dying daily.
Here’s the deal, you are going to die someday.
Everyone you know will die someday.
If we bar religious stories from the mix, everyone who has
ever lived, is currently living and will ever live, has died or will die
someday. It is the common ground for all of us.
For me, nothing makes me more intentional with how I live or
more mindful of how I treat people than being aware that I will die, and that
it could happen at any time and any place.
I am not the main character in some story, I am just another
human, one of over 100 billion who have ever lived.
As we’ve discussed here before, I probably won’t have some
cool death scene or a premonition that it is coming, I will just die.
I will get t-boned in an intersection (they were
Snapchatting) or I will be riding my bike and that same Snapchatter comes
along. Maybe my house catches fire while we are asleep or my neighbor finally
gets tired of me rocking Sugar Ray from my truck at 3am.
Just kidding, it’s Creed.
We all think we have all the time in the world, and I would
bet that a great number of the dead humans out there thought the same thing.
But death sneaks up on us, you can’t plan for it. This can
be a source of anxiety or a source of intentionality. It’s up to you.
I could leave life right now.
I don’t want to do or say or think anything that doesn’t
matter or is negative. I don’t want to do or say or think anything that
separates me from the people I love or from humanity as a whole. I don’t want
to do or say or think anything that is waste of this short window of being I
have been given. I screw up all, the time, but I try to better all the time
too.
So, I don’t see the idea of keeping death present as being
morbid or depressing. It helps me keep my focus on what matters and maintain an
awareness that being alive is an awesome thing.
Existing is a privilege.
I want to remember that.
by Jamesscotthenson | Dec 2, 2016 | Blog
What are the things you wish your kids would just take your
word for?
This was a good question.
In general, I think that a lot of what parents freak out
about is not worth it.
A lot of stuff is just part of growing up, and that is all
there is to it. It doesn’t have a deeper meaning or moral context. This is what
I wish they would listen to though.
Don’t drive under the influence. I think this generation is
pretty smart about this, but there are always exceptions. It only takes one
exception for you wind up dead.
Don’t text and drive. I don’t care how good you think you
are, you suck at driving while doing this. Plus, the next time I miss a green
light because you were too busy Snapchatting to look up, I may kill you myself.
Don’t get what you want at the expense of someone else.
Save the experimenting with drugs and alcohol for when you
are over 21. Or for never. Hiding this adds so much risk for kids, and puts
them into relationship with people they shouldn’t necessarily be in
relationship with.
Do well in school. Get scholarships. Stay out of student
loans. Definitely do not drop out.
Stay out of debt period.
Don’t buy into the nonsense that high school is the best
days of your life. I feel really sorry for anyone who peaked at 17.
Learn another language.
Put your phone down. Learn to talk to people in real life.
Go outside.
Learn to fix things yourself, this saves so much money.
Understand that being offended or having your feelings hurt
doesn’t really mean all that much.
Be on time, work hard. This makes up for a lot.
So many things that seem huge now will not seem this way for
very long. Give it a few days before reacting.
Don’t post everything on social media. It stays there
forever, and you will regret it someday.
Irony is overrated and lazy. Sarcasm is even lazier.
I think it’s a tough world for kids these days, and I think
they are often navigating without guidance from their parents. I had guidance,
but ignored it and it never turned out well.
What are things you wish your kids would listen to you
about?
What are the things you wish you had listened to?
Recent Comments