This has turned into an intentionally short post because I have written and erased too many words this morning.
Go outside today.
Feel the weather exactly as it is.
Be in the sun.
Read a book.
Turn off the TV, get off of Facebook and Instagram and Twitter.
Clean up the house, get ready for the week.
These are the things I am doing right now instead of spending any more time on this computer.
Take care.
Confrontation is a part of a life, and it is not an inherently bad thing.
All change is born of confrontation.
Confrontation is the necessary factor for change to occur, whether in ourselves, our relationships or on a large scale.
Problems emerge when we do not approach confrontation mindfully, when we allow anger or fear to rule the situation. With a mindful approach we can use confrontation to bring help and change, but once ego and selfishness work their way in things go south.
The opportunity for positive confrontation is everywhere.
A parent confronts their child to keep them from running into the street or sticking nails into a socket.
A person confronts their partner about their dismissive attitude or the inappropriate boundaries they have with someone they work with.
A group of people confronts a man striking his partner outside of a bar.
A military confronts a dictator who starves his own people to death or is committing genocide.
A person confronts themselves about unhealthy and unskillful life choices, and seeks out help.
All of these situations have the potential for a positive solution to emerge, to change things for the better if everyone works on them from their best selves and are mindful of why they are confronting. I’m not stupid, I know that the larger the group of people involved, the less likely this is to happen, but it is possible.
Are there things you aren’t confronting in your life? What is preventing you from doing this?
Is there a mindful, compassionate way to address them?
What does the fear or anger feel like without the stories and resistances? Has anything ever changed for the better without confrontation?
This entire month will be dedicated to an exploration of what a mindful lifestyle looks like in our modern, technologically-dominated world.
How do we remain mindful in the midst of social media, screaming clickbait news sites, Sirius Radio, 10,000 channels, Netflix, Hulu, Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat? How do we remain present and open in the face of bills, our jobs, our bosses, our employees, our children, our spouses and everyone else we run into? What does mindfulness even mean in this context?
The cool thing about mindfulness is that it is always available to us, it is waiting to be activated so that it can help us come into the truth of the moment. There is no special trick to it, it is always ours to claim. You just have to recognize when you are distracted.
That’s it. Once you recognize you are distracted, you are mindful.
The trick is maintaining this, especially in the face of so different things fighting for our attention, but it gets easier and easier with practice.
Mindfulness is simply a nonjudgmental engagement with our experience on a moment-to-moment basis. It is an acceptance of everything that is happening right here and right now, because nothing else exists outside of the imagination.
This is all about learning to be in the present, as it is, without the layer of removal that thinking always brings. It isn’t about our thoughts on the present, but simply experiencing the present exactly as it is. This isn’t about detachment from our lives, but about really experiencing them, without the detachment of our thoughts about what is going on. It is about stepping away from the running commentary on our lives.
You can do this right now.
Notice what you see around you, but without judgments about it. Not “clean” or “messy” or “pretty” or “ugly”, just let things be things.
Notice what you are hearing, but without judgments. Let the sounds be sounds, no good or bad about them.
Notice the temperature of the air around you. Not “hot” or “cold” or “warm” or “cool”, just air. Just as it is. Notice how you experience it differently on different parts of your skin.
Notice the running commentary in your head on all of this, but also notice how you don’t have to buy into it. You don’t have to attach to it or feed it. You don’t have to reject it either. It can just be there.
Let this moment be exactly as it is, perfect and untouched. Let successive moments be the same.
That’s it. You were mindful during that brief exercise. There is nothing magical about it.
It really is just about being with each moment as it is.
Over the next month we’ll look at what mindfulness meditation is, and how mindfulness applies to different aspects of our modern world.
Questions and comments are always welcome, thank you for reading.
Kids are weird.
Maybe you have kids, maybe you don’t, but we all encounter them at some point, and they are weird.
They live in their own little worlds and have almost no understanding of how things work.
It is our job to help them understand how to live skillfully on this planet, but we can get caught up in so many other things that we drop the ball if we are not careful.
When it comes to kids, especially our own, the “shoulds” can creep in and make a mess if we are not mindful.
We have millions of shoulds, given to us by our own upbringings, cultures, religions, wants, needs, plans and everything else that creates our perception of the world.
Kids should be seen and not heard.
Kids should play sports and be dedicated to them.
Kids should make A’s and B’s.
Kids should never talk back.
Kids should do chores.
Kids should listen to adults instantly.
Kids should go to bed at a certain time.
Kids should play with certain toys.
Kids should always be respectful.
And so on.
Don’t get me wrong, quite a few of these are good things to instill in our children, and many will help them have easier lives. But they are all blanket statements, and they will all be challenged at some point.
It is important for any of us raising children to be aware of why we are doing what we are doing, and why different things are important to us. A mindful lifestyle can help us with this. It can help us be aware of our own shoulds so that we can know exactly why we believe what we believe.
Do you agree or disagree with the shoulds mentioned above for a reason, or was it instinctual?
Can you make a solid case for or against them?
If you cannot, can you let them go?
It has been interesting navigating the waters of a teen driver in the family. Tyler got his license and immediately got a job (which is cool), but it is still odd sorting out that he is running around the world like a real person.
I finished Westworld this week.
While not for everyone, it is probably one of the best things I have ever seen. It is a long-form meditation on things like consciousness, the self and the idea of samara, as well as a cool platform to address all sorts of questions.
Are we the sum of our memories?
What does free will really mean?
Would we suffer without memories?
What is the “self”?
How would you know if you did not have free will?
How would this be any different than what you have now?
Things like that.
Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but delight in airing their own opinions.
Proverbs 18:2
Here is a really cool article about how we used to sleep that someone reminded me of this week. It seems like every week that something new arises that makes me wonder if we took a tragically wrong turn as a species. I really appreciate much that the modern world offers us, but I also wonder about the tradeoff.
I keep having people ask why I don’t give my opinion on world events on this blog.
The answer is that I don’t keep up with world news the way I used to. I’ve blogged about this in the past, and I still don’t see a lot of reason to invest in things so far beyond my control. I know enough to be informed, but little beyond this, and I am happier for it.
My opinion on what is happening in the world is irrelevant, so I don’t let it have much space in my mind.
Apart from all of this, it has been interesting to watch how my confirmation bias has shifted without the squawking of the media and an active disengagement with people with a strong opinion.
I am headed to the mountains for a week in May, provided nothing changes. I am excited about this, and my plan is to send 48 hours without speaking at all. This sounds really nice to me.
Have a great week.
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