by Jamesscotthenson | May 11, 2017 | Blog
I talk a lot about thoughts and memories and all that stuff
that goes on in our head, but there is a single word that encapsulates all of
it: imagination.
We have all these ideas and scenarios that seem to be
occurring, but that we cannot document or show in any real way. If we are engaged
in a story that never happened or could never happen, we are okay with calling
it imaginary, but we want to think our memories are more real.
It may be difficult to accept, but our memories are not any
more real than our fantasies about being the biggest movie star in the world or
being a princess or being able to fly or whatever.
Our memories are made of the same material as the screaming
crowds and dragons and the wind as we soar through the air: all imagination.
Then we take these imaginations and create stories around
them and we apply these to our present situation.
And we suffer.
We suffer because instead of being present with what is, we
are investing time and energy in things that do not exist in any real way.
They existed when they were happening, but the only place
they are happening now is in our head.
Nowhere else.
There is not somewhere where the past is still playing out,
there is not somewhere you can go to change it or make things different.
The mind likes to latch onto this idea, but it only serves
to put us in opposition to what is.
What would right now be like without comparisons?
What would the past be like without ideas of how it could be
different?
What good is there living in the imagination?
by Jamesscotthenson | May 10, 2017 | Blog
I feel at home on the road.
It is funny to look back at how much of my life has been
spent moving from one place to the next now that my favorite place in the whole
world is at home with my family. I can admit now that being on the road was how
I stayed one step ahead of all the stuff I didn’t know how to deal with when I
was younger.
I am not a good traveling companion.
My default is to drive in silence, an audiobook if not that.
Not even good books either. Books on Zen and mindfulness and how to build
better habits. I have literally two songs on my phone, and they are both for
Max.
I like going through small towns and talking to the people
working there. I like looking at houses and places where people hangout. I am
from a very small town myself (I am headed there today). It’s easy to dismiss
small towns, but a lot goes on there.
Every human’s life is important to them, and each life
has as much depth and importance as another.
Traveling often brings me closer to a lot of the stuff I
tried so hard to leave behind me, and this is an opportunity to purify it all
by mindfully accepting the experience it brings.
To work with it as it is instead of how I wish things had
been or rewriting history. To learn to forgive a younger me that I have hated
and blamed for years and years.
It’s a long process.
What are the things you push away when they arise in
consciousness?
What would happen if you simply let them be there?
Have you asked them what they need from you?
by Jamesscotthenson | May 10, 2017 | Blog
Being mindful in marriage can change everything.
It can take us from digging in our heels so that we get our
way, to remembering that we love the person standing across from us. It can
help us remember that they are a real human being, with their own hopes and
desires and wants and needs.
Being aware of our emotions lets us step away and take a
breath when we are angry and resentful so that we can approach things more
openly.
It helps us know the difference between what is happening
and our thoughts about what is happening. It helps us avoid thinking we can
read the other person’s mind and assigning motives for what they are doing. It
opens up space for us to simply ask them why they are doing what they are
doing, or not doing what we want them want them to.
An honest awareness of self helps us remember that what we
want isn’t important anyway.
There is never a reason to fight with he people we love. We
are all going to die someday and every moment we have with them is precious,
but this gets lost in the fight or flight mentality we shift into when arguing.
A mindful awareness of self, of what we are thinking and
feeling – of our whole experience – allows us to choose how and who we
want to be in every moment, even the tough ones.
by Jamesscotthenson | May 9, 2017 | Blog
My job consists almost entirely of working with other human
beings.
This is simultaneously awesome and exhausting. Amazing and
debilitating.
I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world, but it wears
on me. I would worry about myself if it didn’t, I want to care about the people
I work with.
I often see more in others than they see in themselves and I
often want more for them than they want for themselves. I often believe in them
more than they believe in themselves.
This is deadly if you hang on to it.
Other people are always a test for us in regards to
mindfulness. We have to be aware of the emotions they trigger, the thoughts
they bring up, and we have to understand that these things have nothing to do
with them, only ourselves.
We have to be aware of our perceptions and biases, and that
they have to walk out the choices they make. We cannot do it for them.
I often have to remind myself that the people who do
horrible things to other people are also suffering, and that their suffering
causes them to bring pain to other people. I try to help people work with pain,
and to avoid turning it into suffering.
Mindfulness brings presence, and there is nothing greater
that we can offer people.
This presence is truly us, this awareness is real, beyond
all the hurts and memories and stories. A mindful life allows us to cultivate
it, and to offer it to others.
People are awesome, no matter how much hurt they are buried
under, but we have to step away and offer ourselves presence from time to time
as well.
Can you do that?
Do you know what it looks like?
by Jamesscotthenson | May 8, 2017 | Blog
Man, I have been in opposition to writing this blog lately.
I have been in opposition to a lot of things lately, which
is a silly way to be.
One of the biggest misconceptions about a mindful lifestyle
is the idea that it is a cure for everything, and nothing bothers you.
I wouldn’t encourage anyone to try to get to a place where
they are not bothered.
You want to be human, you want the full experience.
Happiness, sadness, anger, despair, frustration.
These are all necessary components of life.
It’s not that you want to get away from these things, you
want to be the same person in the midst of them.
Not to be buffeted around by the winds of emotion and
change, but not to lock yourself in a cave and escape them either.
Sit in the middle of them. Experience them. But understand
that they are not an excuse to shirk your duties or treat other people poorly.
They are not a license to disregard yourself or other people, and they do not
entitle us to unhealthy decisions.
All the things that are unskillful when we are feeling good
are equally (if not more) unskillful when we are burned out and ragged.
Nothing has changed.
Get up, take a shower, go to work, go to school. Do
good things, treat others well, be thankful for your life. The weather may be
bad, but it changes.
So yes, I experience sadness and frustration and despair and
exhaustion, I am just aware that I am experiencing them.
I try to take healthy steps to deal with them, like leaving
for the mountains on Wednesday. Like spending time in silence and being honest
with myself about what needs to change and what needs to improve.
We’re human. Let’s be human.
In every way.
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