by Jamesscotthenson | May 10, 2017 | Blog
Being mindful in marriage can change everything.
It can take us from digging in our heels so that we get our
way, to remembering that we love the person standing across from us. It can
help us remember that they are a real human being, with their own hopes and
desires and wants and needs.
Being aware of our emotions lets us step away and take a
breath when we are angry and resentful so that we can approach things more
openly.
It helps us know the difference between what is happening
and our thoughts about what is happening. It helps us avoid thinking we can
read the other person’s mind and assigning motives for what they are doing. It
opens up space for us to simply ask them why they are doing what they are
doing, or not doing what we want them want them to.
An honest awareness of self helps us remember that what we
want isn’t important anyway.
There is never a reason to fight with he people we love. We
are all going to die someday and every moment we have with them is precious,
but this gets lost in the fight or flight mentality we shift into when arguing.
A mindful awareness of self, of what we are thinking and
feeling – of our whole experience – allows us to choose how and who we
want to be in every moment, even the tough ones.
by Jamesscotthenson | May 9, 2017 | Blog
My job consists almost entirely of working with other human
beings.
This is simultaneously awesome and exhausting. Amazing and
debilitating.
I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world, but it wears
on me. I would worry about myself if it didn’t, I want to care about the people
I work with.
I often see more in others than they see in themselves and I
often want more for them than they want for themselves. I often believe in them
more than they believe in themselves.
This is deadly if you hang on to it.
Other people are always a test for us in regards to
mindfulness. We have to be aware of the emotions they trigger, the thoughts
they bring up, and we have to understand that these things have nothing to do
with them, only ourselves.
We have to be aware of our perceptions and biases, and that
they have to walk out the choices they make. We cannot do it for them.
I often have to remind myself that the people who do
horrible things to other people are also suffering, and that their suffering
causes them to bring pain to other people. I try to help people work with pain,
and to avoid turning it into suffering.
Mindfulness brings presence, and there is nothing greater
that we can offer people.
This presence is truly us, this awareness is real, beyond
all the hurts and memories and stories. A mindful life allows us to cultivate
it, and to offer it to others.
People are awesome, no matter how much hurt they are buried
under, but we have to step away and offer ourselves presence from time to time
as well.
Can you do that?
Do you know what it looks like?
by Jamesscotthenson | May 8, 2017 | Blog
Man, I have been in opposition to writing this blog lately.
I have been in opposition to a lot of things lately, which
is a silly way to be.
One of the biggest misconceptions about a mindful lifestyle
is the idea that it is a cure for everything, and nothing bothers you.
I wouldn’t encourage anyone to try to get to a place where
they are not bothered.
You want to be human, you want the full experience.
Happiness, sadness, anger, despair, frustration.
These are all necessary components of life.
It’s not that you want to get away from these things, you
want to be the same person in the midst of them.
Not to be buffeted around by the winds of emotion and
change, but not to lock yourself in a cave and escape them either.
Sit in the middle of them. Experience them. But understand
that they are not an excuse to shirk your duties or treat other people poorly.
They are not a license to disregard yourself or other people, and they do not
entitle us to unhealthy decisions.
All the things that are unskillful when we are feeling good
are equally (if not more) unskillful when we are burned out and ragged.
Nothing has changed.
Get up, take a shower, go to work, go to school. Do
good things, treat others well, be thankful for your life. The weather may be
bad, but it changes.
So yes, I experience sadness and frustration and despair and
exhaustion, I am just aware that I am experiencing them.
I try to take healthy steps to deal with them, like leaving
for the mountains on Wednesday. Like spending time in silence and being honest
with myself about what needs to change and what needs to improve.
We’re human. Let’s be human.
In every way.
by Jamesscotthenson | May 7, 2017 | Blog
This has turned into an intentionally short post because I
have written and erased too many words this morning.
Go outside today.
Feel the weather exactly as it is.
Be in the sun.
Read a book.
Turn off the TV, get off of Facebook and Instagram and
Twitter.
Clean up the house, get ready for the week.
These are the things I am doing right now instead of
spending any more time on this computer.
Take care.
by Jamesscotthenson | May 5, 2017 | Blog
This entire month will be dedicated to an exploration of
what a mindful lifestyle looks like in our modern, technologically-dominated
world.
How do we remain mindful in the midst of social media,
screaming clickbait news sites, Sirius Radio, 10,000 channels, Netflix, Hulu,
Reddit, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat? How do we remain present and
open in the face of bills, our jobs, our bosses, our employees, our children,
our spouses and everyone else we run into? What does mindfulness even mean in
this context?
The cool thing about mindfulness is that it is always
available to us, it is waiting to be activated so that it can help us come into
the truth of the moment. There is no special trick to it, it is always ours to
claim. You just have to recognize when you are distracted.
That’s it. Once you recognize you are distracted, you are
mindful.
The trick is maintaining this, especially in the face of so
different things fighting for our attention, but it gets easier and easier with
practice.
Mindfulness is simply a nonjudgmental engagement with our
experience on a moment-to-moment basis. It is an acceptance of everything that
is happening right here and right now, because nothing else exists outside of
the imagination.
This is all about learning to be in the present, as it is,
without the layer of removal that thinking always brings. It isn’t about our
thoughts on the present, but simply experiencing the present exactly as it is.
This isn’t about detachment from our lives, but about really experiencing them,
without the detachment of our thoughts about what is going on. It is about
stepping away from the running commentary on our lives.
You can do this right now.
Notice what you see around you, but without judgments about
it. Not “clean” or “messy” or “pretty” or “ugly”, just let things be things.
Notice what you are hearing, but without judgments. Let the
sounds be sounds, no good or bad about them.
Notice the temperature of the air around you. Not “hot” or
“cold” or “warm” or “cool”, just air. Just as it is. Notice how you
experience it differently on different parts of your skin.
Notice the running commentary in your head on all of this,
but also notice how you don’t have to buy into it. You don’t have to attach to
it or feed it. You don’t have to reject it either. It can just be there.
Let this moment be exactly as it is, perfect and untouched.
Let successive moments be the same.
That’s it. You were mindful during that brief exercise.
There is nothing magical about it.
It really is just about being with each moment as it is.
Over the next month we’ll look at what mindfulness
meditation is, and how mindfulness applies to different aspects of our modern
world.
Questions and comments are always welcome, thank you for
reading.
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