by Jamesscotthenson | Jun 16, 2017 | Blog
The number of people I meet who live in a constant state of
unworthiness/self-hatred/self-criticism/general self-loathing is really
heartbreaking sometimes.
I know that I am probably going to encounter more people
with this struggle because of my line of work and because of the part of the
country I live in, but I think this is a general affliction many people suffer
under.
It is sad to see people learn to hate themselves for the
very things that make us human, but it is also very common. It seems like we
are trained to fit into the “right” way of being a human from the moment we are
born, and this process of crushing us into molds continues until the day we
die.
We are told that many of the things that are just part of
being human are wrong, that we are deficient and inherently impure, and then we
wonder why we live with a constant and pervasive sense of guilt.
In a sad irony, many people are driven to truly unhealthy
behavior by this sense of guilt, giving them one more thing to feel unworthy
about.
Who would you be without all the stories and judgments that
have been directed at you over the course of your life?
How would you feel about yourself if you could step outside
the narratives and ideologies that were placed on you before you had any
conscious choice?
Are you able to discern the things that you do that are
actually harmful or unhealthy versus those that are just outside social norms
or inconvenient for other people?
by Jamesscotthenson | Jun 15, 2017 | Blog
Follow-through, as we’ve discussed over the past few days,
is important in life.
We all need to have plans and something larger we are
working for, something we believe in.
So how does this work with a mindfulness-based lifestyle, one that calls for us to live in the moment and to to let things be as they are?
There is an important distinction that needs to be made here
when talking about living in the moment. A mindful lifestyle is about
intentionality. Intentionality of thought, of awareness, of life itself. It’s
not an excuse to be irresponsible and careless by not planning for the future.
It’s just about not letting the future dominate the present.
We can have hopes and dreams and plans without having them
take over our present.
We can be intentional about how we think about the future
and about the plans we make. When we are working on future-oriented projects,
we can do so in the present.
In fact, that is the only place we can work on things for
the future, because the future never arrives. It’s always the present.
Sometimes it is about setting aside what we want to do in
the moment to follow-through on our plans, other times it’s about setting aside
our work so that we can take our kids to the park or our partner to a movie.
It’s about being intentional with whatever we are doing.
What you do today will determine what you have tomorrow and
in 6 months and in 6 years. We have a responsibility to be intentional and
skillful with the things that are given to us, and to make use of what we have
in a way that goes beyond today and tomorrow. It is not mindless to set things up
for the future unless we start to live there or get so attached to plans that
we cannot let them go if they do not pan out.
Plan for the future, but do it in the present. It’s all you
have.
by Jamesscotthenson | Jun 14, 2017 | Blog
“Why do you care if people follow-through on things?”
A few reasons.
For one, a lack of follow-through is one of the primary
things I see disrupting relationships around me.
This is, usually, a female losing faith and respect for the
male in her life, but it works both ways. A lack of follow-through cultivates a
lack of trust and this destroys relationships. I believe relationships are the
foundation of everything, including a stable society. I like to see them work.
For two, I see people feeling better about themselves when
they are following through on things.
They have a reason to get up in the morning and they spend
their time more wisely because it actually means something to them. They have a
larger vision for themselves and their lives, and this translates into a life
of purpose and meaning and value. They are happier this way. We are not happy
when we are not taking care of our shit. I like to see people happy.
Lastly. My favorite thing in life is to help people find a
way out of this trap society has all of us in where we exchange days of our
lives for the means to keep living.
It is debilitating and soul-crushing to live within this exchange,
and I like to see people escape it whenever possible. This isn’t possible
without follow-through because everything that could help them find freedom
dies in the gate.
What would you do with your life if motivation and passion
weren’t factors?
Do you think you are doing everything you are capable of?
Are you delivering on what life expects of you?
If not, what is stopping you?
by Jamesscotthenson | Jun 13, 2017 | Blog
We talked about follow-through yesterday, something that is
distinctly lacking in many of our lives.
I still struggle with it when I get focused on too many
different ideas.
So what can we do about this?
There are a few things.
Establish accountability. This is a dirty word these days
for some reason, we feel like it infringes on our right to do what we want. It
does, and that is why it is valuable. Pick someone whose opinion matters to you
and get them onboard with what you are trying to do. Leverage your ego’s need
for approval against your ego’s desire to be lazy.
Figure out what keeps you from doing what you need to do and
get rid of it. Sell your game system, delete your social media, give away all
the garbage food in your house, whatever. Commit.
Have a clear understanding of exactly why you want to make
this change or do this thing. Keep this front and center in your mind. Put a
notecard on your mirror, create a vison board, whatever. Know your why.
Cultivate distress tolerance for the times when things are
tough and you want to give up. Meditate. Value discipline and persistence over
passion and motivation.
Have a clear plan to do your thing. Don’t let it be some
giant, amorphous project that looms over you, break it down into manageable
pieces and work on them one at a time. When you finish one, start the next.
Celebrate small victories but do not mistake them for the war. Keep moving.
Everyone has things they want to do.
Cool ideas and creative ventures and life-changing new
habits.
Very few people seem to actually follow these through.
Be one of the very few.
by Jamesscotthenson | Jun 12, 2017 | Blog
If I were to name one of the things I most frequently
see plaguing many people, especially young men, it would be follow-through.
I see it in people with a dozen good ideas but zero
execution, people with every intention of making a positive change in their
lives and, very often, as the reason why people do not trust their partners.
Follow-through plagued me for a large part of my life.
I still have hundreds (yes, hundreds) of unfinished books
(both books I was reading and books I was going to write) and the number of
projects I started and dropped when they got tedious are uncountable.
There are a few reasons for a lack of follow-through.
Coming up with ideas is the fun part, so we drop the ball
when it comes time to actually do the work.
There are so many distractions now. Yes, there are more than
in the past. Video games and unlimited streaming movies and internet
pornography and social media trigger our biological reward centers in ways we
have yet to learn how to cope with.
A lack of faith in the idea one has or the change one wants
to make.
An inability to see the bigger picture at the end of
completing the project we set up for ourselves.
The need for immediate gratification we have trained into
ourselves.
What keeps you from doing the big thing you want or need to
do?
What would your life look like if you were to accomplish the
big thing?
Why can’t you start today?
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